strength

I've been thinking a lot about strength this last little bit.  Shawnie's spine surgery recovery was one of the hardest things that she and our little family have ever survived.  But we did.  When we found out about this procedure, I told myself, "The Lord knows what we've been through.  He knows how exhausted we are.  He knows the pain and fatigue and frustration that Shawnie has felt through all this. Our faith will carry us through this next procedure and He will answer our prayers by making it easy and simple and our testimonies will be strengthened and she will be well." 

Well, I'm here to tell you that a great lesson has been learned this last week.  It has not been easy at all. It has been the most complicated situation we have ever faced. And Shawnie is far from well. But we are learning a profound lesson. We are stronger than we think.  Daily I keep thinking that we've reached our breaking point and then we reach deep down inside and find more strength.  I have felt on several occasions throughout this experience a very strong connection to my Heavenly Father and I know He is pleased to see the strength that we continue to discover inside ourselves.  I've recognized that same understanding in Shawnie's attitude as day after day, things just don't seem to go her way.  She just keeps digging deeper and finds that brave spirit that fights with strength to win, and she is winning, slowly but definitely surely.

Today our doctor stopped in to visit.  He said maybe Saturday we'll be ready to go home.  Probably on the pic line with TPN feedings or with an NJ tube to supplement her inability to consume the needed nourishment.  He wants to see where she gets in the next couple of days before he makes any decisions.  As soon as she heard NJ tube this morning she said, "ok, ok, I'll eat!!"  And eat she has.  She ate at least triple what she was able to get through yesterday.  Tonight her tummy was so big and tight from all that she stuffed in, but she is so ready to ditch the IV and go home and she absolutely refuses to consider the NJ tube. What she made it through was only a third of what she is supposed to consume, but it is definitely a start. And tomorrow they'll probably just tell us that we won't be going home until next week.  And we'll once again reach way down deep in there and recognize that we are even stronger still.